no longer my own #WesleyCovenant

I am no longer my own but thine.

The first line of Wesley’s Covenant Prayer relinquishes all rights to God. It turns over everything. Everything that I did that brilliant, wonderful, amazing, and great is God’s. Everything that I worry and fret over should become God’s as well. (Matthew 6:25-34)

The problem is I don’t believe this. I want to believe this, but I don’t.

Everyday I want to say it is all God’s, but something stops me. I fail to acknowledge God working in my life when I get boastful over what I have done. I fail to turn it all over when I hold onto accomplishments. I fail to give up everything when I want to hold onto my worries that keep me up all night. I fail to give up my pride and ambition. I fail to give up my envy. I fail to give up stuff that takes God’s place. I believe that I have the tendency to reverse Wesley’s Covenant Prayer.

I am no longer yours but mine!

So part of my journey of growth this year has been to pray the Jesus prayer whenever I find myself getting too caught up in things I want to hold onto. When I start to get jealous or worried or proud, I pray, “Lord Jesus, son of God, have mercy upon me a sinner.” It has been a powerful stabilizing prayer in my life. Through this prayer I have been able to realize that at my core I am still a sinner in desperate need of God’s mercy.

pax+

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wesley’s covenant prayer

The Son of Man Must Suffer
The Son of Man Must Suffer by Fr. Lawrence Lew, O.P.

I am no longer my own, but thine.

Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.

Put me to doing, put me to suffering.

Let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee,

exalted for thee or brought low for thee.

Let me be full, let me be empty.

Let me have all things, let me have nothing.

I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.

And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

thou art mine, and I am thine.

So be it.

And the covenant which I have made on earth,

let it be ratified in heaven.

Amen.

One of the things I have been focusing on this year is to be less envious. I know everyone wrestles with sin, and I know my big one is envy. It is a killer sin that convinces you that everyone else has it better than you. This year one of my spiritual practices has been reading through Wesley’s Covenant Prayer. After reading it for many weeks I am convinced that this prayer was constructed for people like me who suffer from invidia

So over the next few weeks I will be focusing a blog post on how each line of Wesley’s Covenant Prayer is speaking to me. I pray that you will find the prayer and my random thoughts about it useful in working out your own salvation in fear and trembling.

pax+